Going down? Tips and tricks to make it better for him.

Happy Monday, everyone.  Welcome to the BJ blog.  I tried to find the original from last year in my archives but had no luck so this one’s all new.   Maybe not improved, but new. 🙂

If someone told me I could only have one line of text in this blog on how to give great blowjobs, my line would be this:  “Performing oral sex on your man is not a dreadful chore or something you have to put up with, so please don’t treat it as such!”.  Enthusiasm is the biggest factor in giving good head, bar none.  If you like what you’re doing, you’ll be good at it. It’s that simple.  Thankfully no one told me I can only write one line of text, so kick back and get ready for an oral how-to that will enable you to blow his socks off tonight.  After all, it’s Monday and every man deserves a good BJ to start off his week.  Just ask your guy…he’s sure to agree.

First, let’s talk hot spots.  I think I’m going to have to bust out the cockshroom again for this one.  Check out C, the frenulum.  This little space on the underside of the cock, where the shaft meets the head, is a hotbed of nerves.  Do not neglect the frenulum!  A few long, slow licks (flatten your tongue for maximum sensation) across it will feel delicious.  I’ll cover other handy tongue tricks for this area later on.  Moving on to B- the coronal ridge, another nerve hotspot.  Lick it, nibble it (gently!), place your lips immediately beneath it and just apply soft suction to the head…he’ll squirm in delight, I promise you.  Just make sure that any suction concentrated on the head isn’t too much too soon.  If you want to really rock his world, wait until he’s pulsing (close to orgasm) and just suck the head.  It won’t be enough to get him off, just enough to make him beg you to do that with more of his cock in your mouth. ;  ) There’s another spot that deserves attention that isn’t marked on the shroom.  (Thanks, R, for the reminder!) The slit- the opening in the top of his cock. Gently probing it with your tongue can be incredibly pleasurable for him.  And don’t give me any crap about it being icky, ladies.  It’s not.

Next up, the testicles.  Don’t leave the twins out when you’re going down on him.   Just a few of the things you can do to his balls:  lick them while you’re using your hand on his shaft, suck them into your mouth and hum (sounds silly, feels great), lightly scrape your teeth across them, cup them in the palm of your hand while your mouth is busy above them.  If you want to give him an experience he’ll never forget, take all of his cock in your mouth, then stick your tongue out and lick his balls.  This takes some practice (and a limber tongue) but it’s possible.   The double pleasure of being deep-throated and having his balls licked will blow him away.  Another neat little trick is to cup his balls when he’s close to ejaculation and, just as you feel him start to come, pull them away from his body.  Don’t pull too hard- no chainsaw cranking motions!- just tug gently.  It sounds odd and I can’t tell you why that feels good- mostly ’cause I don’t have balls- but it works.  For a fun experience, have your guy shave them.  You’ll love the smoothness and he’ll enjoy the enhanced sensation.

Tongue tricks:

  • When you first go down, use your tongue as though his cock is a dripping ice cream cone.  (Silly euphemism?  Yes.  Effective technique?  Hell, yes.)  Swirl around his entire cock in a circular motion.  Lick up the sides, being sure to come into contact with the ridge (B) as you move upwards.
  • Start at the very bottom of his shaft, right where his cock and balls meet, and lick slooooooowly all the way up to the tip.  Basically you’ll be tracing the vein on the underside of his cock with your tongue.
  • Follow that same path again, but this time use just the tip of your tongue to softly flicker all the way up and then around the head of his cock.  Flickering your tongue this way makes for a nice contrasting move if you alternate it with firmer licks.
  • Like I said earlier, flatten your tongue and lave the frenulum with it.  Do this a few times, then swipe your entire tongue across the head in a slow motion. Repeat a few times and increase the tempo as you go.  He’ll love it.
  • Make a fist around the bottom of his shaft and press downwards (gently, don’t shove) to tighten the skin across his head and shaft, then start to work on him with your tongue.  Holding the skin tight this way will make every touch of your tongue feel more intense.
  • Get the frenulum wet with your  tongue, then slowly slide your finger back and forth across it while you lick the rest of his shaft.

There are a million ways to use your tongue on his cock.  Try different strokes and licks until you find things he really likes.  Whatever you do, don’t just focus on one part and neglect the rest of him.

The rest of tips and ideas I have for you are pretty random and don’t easily fit into categories like “tongue tricks”, so I’m just going to do them in bullet points.

  • Food play can be fun, so grab the whipped cream or chocolate syrup and make a mess that’s fun to clean up.  Yeah, it’s clichéd, but clichés usually exist for a reason. 😉  If you want to crank things up a notch, use honey- it’s much harder to get all of the honey off so it’ll take more of an effort.  Just don’t get it in his hair!
  • Use your hands.  Grab the base of his shaft and suck just the head, squeeze the head gently or work your hand around it (make sure he’s wet first for maximum fun for him) while you lick the shaft.   When you feel like taking a break, grip his cock with both of your hands and move each one in around him a different way.  Do NOT twist too hard, just slide your hands in opposite directions.
  • When you’re in a position where you can really take him into your mouth without worrying about teeth, put your lips on the head of his cock, slide your hands around him, grab his ass and push him into your mouth while you swirl your tongue around him.  He’ll probably enjoy the slightly forceful shade to this move.
  • If you’re feeling a little submissive, have him thread his fingers through your hair and hold your head still while he controls the speed and depth of his thrusts into your mouth.  Again, there’s a dom/sub flavor here that gives things an extra little spark.
  • Make sure your position is conducive to good head- there’s the obvious, like kneeling in front of him while he sits on the couch or bed, but other positions work just fine too, like laying on your back and letting him kneel/squat/stand above your head, and, of course, the ever-reliable 69.   Just make sure you’re not coming at him from an angle.  You want him aimed straight towards the back of your mouth, otherwise you’re risking scraping him with your teeth.
  • Speaking of teeth, WATCH THEM!  They hurt.  Nibbling is okay, lightly scraping the head or shaft intentionally is just fine.  Grating him against your molars (or, god forbid, incisors) because you’ve got your head or his body turned the wrong way is bad, bad, bad.  Say “teeth” and “blowjob” in the same sentence and most men will cringe.  Spare your man and be careful with your chompers.
  • Pop a breath mint first.  I’m sure you’ve heard it before…pretty much everyone knows about the whole Altoid thing.  Mint = good.
  • Suck.  The term “blowjob” is misleading, obviously. Although wetting the head then alternating warm and cold breaths can be fun as a little bit of a teaser, you don’t really spend any time blowing on it.  Unfortunately, some women don’t realize they’re supposed to actually suck, not just slide their mouths up and down.  Suction is a good thing. (Poor Martha Stewart, I’m wearing her catchphrase out in ways she probably never imagined it would be used.)  You can do this gently or forcefully, but don’t do it too hard. Hint:  if he’s getting a hickey on the head of his cock, you’re overdoing it.  You know that lovely phrase some guys use:  “She could suck the chrome off a trailer hitch”…well, it’s not a compliment.  Hard sucking has its uses, but for the most part you don’t want to pretend you’re trying to rip it off.  That might scare him.  On the other hand, sucking too gently won’t do much for him.  Experiment with different pressures to see what flips his switch.
  • Sometimes it’s great to just dive right in and swallow his cock all at once, but taking it slow can be good too- especially if he’s not hard when you start.  Tease him with your tongue, lick and nibble at his inner thighs (yeah, they like it just as much as we do), trail your tongue along the seam on the front of his balls and below them (or even farther if you’re into that).  Touch him lightly with your fingertips or gently drag your nails up and down his cock.  Every now and then it’s okay to be a cock-tease. 😉
  • I read about this trick somewhere online a long time ago and fell in love with it immediately:  get a cup of hot tea (not too hot) and a cup of ice water.  Get your man hard, then alternate taking sips of each drink.  While holding the liquid in your mouth, slide your lips down over his shaft.  He’ll love the varied sensations!
  • Hum.  Take his cock into your mouth and suck gently while you hum.  The vibrations will feel great for him and this is a nice little stopping point if you need a break.  After all, humming doesn’t require much effort.  If you want to make him laugh, try humming “Yankee Doodle Dandy”.
  • Use a small toy or your finger in his ass while you go down on him.  The two pleasures combined will make for a geyser of an orgasm, I promise you.  For more instruction on ass-play, read the archives of my blogs.  I don’t feel like going in to it right now (no pun intended).
  • Take him as far into your mouth as you can get him without actually deep-throating.  The goal here is to have the head of his cock at the very back of your mouth but not quite into your throat.  Get him there, then swallow.  The contractions of your upper throat muscles around his cock will have him begging for more of the same.
  • Deep-throating- the holy grail of blowjobs- isn’t as impossible as it seems.  The trick to being able to take him all the way is breath control.  Inhale through your nose as you move downwards on his cock, hold your breath until he’s pulling out of your throat, then exhale through your nose while he’s still in your mouth.  If you time it right, you can give him a long, long series of DT strokes without ever fully taking him out of your mouth.
  • If deep-throating is an issue because of your gag reflex, here’s a nice little hint:  use Chloraseptic spray or some other oral analgesic right before you attempt it.  Being a little bit numbed will help you control the urge to gag.  Also, move slowly.  You’re less likely to feel like you’re choking if you don’t cram him down your throat before you’re ready to.
  • Look at him while you’re going down.  Eye contact makes almost everything in bed better.
  • Pre-come  makes for a great opportunity to give him a visual he won’t forget anytime soon.  Look at him and smile while you’re licking it.  He.  Will.  Love.  It.
  • Show him that you’re enjoying what you’re doing.  Moan around his cock (vibrations!) or find some other way to show him you love it.  He’ll appreciate the enthusiasm.
  • For a more mutually beneficial experience, have him touch you while you’re going down.  Ladies, having an orgasm while you’re pleasuring him will only serve to increase your talents, I can assure you. Just don’t get too excited and bite down!
  • After he has come, keep him in your mouth and gently suckle him.  Don’t do too much because he’ll probably be sensitive as hell right after ejaculation, but you don’t have to stop altogether.
  • Speaking of coming, let’s talk about swallowing versus spitting.  I’ve covered this in another blog, but for you newbies, men really and truly don’t care which way you do it.  Most men seem to prefer swallowing.  That’s totally understandable but having a preference for it doesn’t make it a requirement.  If you spit, that’s fine and dandy, just avoid spitting it on him in an unladylike way or making a face like you’re disgusted…don’t ruin his moment.  Keep a tissue handy and discreetly spit into it after you’re finished.  If you haven’ t ever swallowed or even taken his orgasm in your mouth, give it a shot (pun fully intended).  It’s not gross, distasteful, or unsanitary.  If you absolutely cannot handle having it in your mouth, then at least use your hand to get him off when he’s ready to blow.  Don’t just pull away and make him do it himself at that final moment…would you appreciate it if he did the same to you?

I’m sure there’s more I could list if I gave it some more thought, but you’ll have to forgive me for cutting it off here.  I’ve got a ridiculous cold that is kicking my ass and my meds are making me a little foggy.   Maybe one of these days I’ll do a more extensive blog with tips for you not-so-novice head lovers since this one is aimed at people who are new to the game.  Before I’m done, though, there are some things you need to know about oral sex.  If you’re not in a monogamous relationship with someone who’s been tested for STD’s, be careful.  Yes, it’s safer than intercourse, but it can still be dangerous.  Don’t swallow if you don’t know your partner’s health status.  It’s just not a good idea.  Also, deep-throating his cock irritates the lining of your throat, making you more susceptible to STD’s/infections, so avoid it unless you’re sure he’s safe.  Bear in mind that you can use flavored, non-lubricated condoms during a blowjob.  Protect yourselves, ladies.  Play hard, but play safe!

That’s it, peeps.  If you found something new in here, try it out tonight and make his Monday a little better.  As always, feel free to leave your tips in the comments.  We love shared knowledge around these parts.  Love and peace and a lovely piece to you all.

Published in: on March 29, 2010 at 3:02 am  Comments (57)  
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Going Up! (And staying that way!)

I’ve spent days working on a blog about keeping sexual attraction alive in a long relationship.  I‘ve heard many of my friends talk about how sex gets boring a few years into a relationship, so it seemed like a good thing to address…until I actually tried to write it.  I’ve wasted quite a few perfectly good hours sitting here with my fingers hovering over the keyboard, trying to figure out what to say.  That’s not normal.  Those of you who know me in real life know that I always have plenty to say but this topic stumped me.  See, I’m not a degreed sexologist (yet).  Almost all of the advice that I dispense through my blogs comes from wisdom borne of real-life experience, not a college education in sexual psychology.  Right now I can only write about the things I know about firsthand and, well, keeping the spark alive after a long time together isn’t something I know about just yet.  My husband and I celebrated our half-decade anniversary this month.  We haven’t hit the boredom stage yet and I think that’s partly because we’ve been too damned busy for our spark to have burned out!  In five short years, we’ve gone through lots of changes including a new career, college, two pregnancies on bedrest, two new babies, a new house, et cetera, ad nauseum. We‘ve barely had time to catch our breath, much less get tired of one another.  One of these years we might lose that newlywed spark and maybe then I’ll learn enough to tell you how to keep yours alive, but in the meantime, I‘ve got nothing. So, I’m going to stick to what I know and shelve the attraction blog for a later date.

Since keeping attraction alive is out, let’s talking about keeping cocks hard, shall we?  After all, it’s almost the same thing. ; )

Ladies, we’ve got it good, haven’t we?  We can go for hours and hours if we want to, no matter how many orgasms we’ve had.  Nothing stops us.  Unfortunately for our guys, most of them don’t share that particular quality.  Nature designed them to stop after each orgasm and that can be a little frustrating on nights when we’re still revved up and ready to go.  Nothing slows a good party down like a little post-ejaculation droopiness, am I right?  Guys, don’t take this the wrong way, but sometimes we’re just not ready for you to come yet.  That’s not an insult.  Most of the time we’re perfectly satisfied with the length of our sack sessions.  Every now and then, though, we‘d love it if you lasted for a long time.  Since your orgasms are harder to control than ours, we understand that sometimes it‘s just not possible to hold off and no one‘s criticizing you for getting to the finish line too soon. (No jokes about how we started at the same time!)  Any length of time spent having sex is a good length of time, but you should know that if you‘re looking for a long night of loving without having to give Junior a recharging break, there are options!

(Did I really just refer to it as Junior?  Forgive me.  It’s 2:30 in the morning and I’m rocking out to Green Day’s 21 Guns while I’m writing.  Things could get weird here.)

Little Blue Pills: This is the most obvious of all the stay-hard options.  I’ve heard lots of stories from men who’ve gotten hold of Viagra in order to have a long night of sex.  Sure, it works, but bear in mind that Viagra is meant to treat a specific condition- it’s a real medicine, not just some special candy that you can swallow when you feel like pretending you’re the Energizer bunny, guys.  Taking medicine that you don’t need is never a good idea.  As for those OTC little blue pills, stay away from them.  I cannot emphasize this enough: that shit is dangerous.  Remember what I said about blogging what I know?  Trust me on this one- if it costs less than $10 and you can buy it at your local sex shop, YOU DO NOT WANT IT.  I’m not going to explain fully (if you read the old Kat blogs, you already know the story), but those pills are a hazard to your penile health. You know how the commercials for the prescription stuff direct you to see your doctor for an erection lasting longer than four hours?  Four hours, my foot.  Try four days.  No, I’m not kidding.  No, it wasn’t fun for anyone.  No, you should not ever, ever, EVER buy OTC pills that have anything to do with your cock.  Got that?  Good.

Creams/Gels: Marketed under such dubious handles as Sta-Hard and Rock-Dick, these creams are available at any sex shop.  Creams that are intended for delaying ejaculation are called desensitizers and most of them contain mild anesthetics.  To put it simply, they numb the cock and when you feel less, you last longer.  They’re usually safe and most have no side effects other than the occasional skin rash from an allergic reaction.   (If this happens, simply wash the cream off completely and visit your doc if the situation doesn’t improve in a timely manner.)  They’re great for a night when you feel like lasting for a long, long time but some men don‘t like the numbing sensation.  If you‘re using a cream, avoid letting your cock touch her clit after you’ve applied it.  A numbed clit does not make for a happy woman! (Bonus: if your lady goes down on you while you have numbing cream on the head of your cock, it can numb her throat a bit and might possibly kill off her gag reflex for a while.  That can be handy.  Just sayin’.)

Cock Rings: (Not for use by anyone who has a vascular or nerve disorder or diabetes! If you‘re not sure if you can use them, talk to your doctor.)  In my humble opinion, this is your best bet as far as delaying orgasm goes. The principle is simple:  You know that long vein that runs up the underside of your cock?  The one that pulses as you get ready to come?  A cock ring, if worn correctly, applies pressure to that vein, effectively disabling your orgasm.  Think about it:  if it can’t come out, you can’t come.  Easy-peasy, right?  Another bonus is that they trap blood in the shaft which leads to slight engorgement and enhanced sensation above the ring.  Cock rings can be found at your local sex shop or at online sex stores.  There are models that simply slide over the base of your shaft and models that have straps that go around your testicles.  Some models are one solid ring and some are adjustable.  Any and all of these are fine to use. The materials run the gamut from a plasticy rubber-band-like material (NOT recommended by me because they pull hairs and can easily rub your shaft raw) to stainless steel (highly recommended by me but only if you‘re used to rings).  If you’re a beginner in the ring world, start out with a softer material until you get a feel for what level of pressure you prefer.  Some rings stretch to accommodate several different girths but some don’t, so make sure you know the size you’ll need.  Find a cloth tape measurer and wrap it around the base of your cock when you’re hard to find the diameter you need.  (Go ahead and measure the length while you’re there.  You know you want to.)  The first time you use it, put the ring on while you’re still flaccid.  Once you’re fully erect, take a second to make sure it’s not too tight.  If you’re hurting or uncomfortable, take it off. These should never be painful.  You should only wear a ring for 20 minutes at a time since overdoing it can lead to nerve damage.  If you’re using a ring to delay orgasm, simply have sex until you feel like you’re close to ejaculating, then stop for a minute.  Once you start to lose a little bit of your hard-on, slide the ring on, get yourself hard again (have her help!) and get back to doing your thing.  You’ve bought yourself another 20 minutes or so of action.

Mental Control: If a woman’s orgasm is 90% mental, 10% physical, then the reverse is true for you guys.  (That totally explains dry-humping, doesn’t it, ladies?)  Physical sensations are the reason you guys come before you’re ready to.  If it were a simple matter of thinking, “I’m not going to come yet”, you wouldn’t still be reading this blog.  However, there are ways you can control your orgasm with your mind.  One way is simple:  just as you feel your balls start to tighten, summon a mental image of your grandma.  Unless you’re one really freaky guy, that should help.  I’m kidding, guys.  Never picture your grandmother during sex.  That’s not healthy.  What I’m actually talking about is tantric sex.  Now I’ll be honest here:  I don’t know much about how tantric sex works.  I bought a book but I haven’t studied it much yet. What I do know is that it is highly recommended by the people who’ve taken the time to learn about it.  The basic principle is this:  You channel all of your sexual energy back into your body instead of releasing it through ejaculation.  Evidently this leads to longer, more fulfilling sex.  Though I’m not entirely sure how it works, the concept seems sound.  If you’re concentrating all your energies on the process instead of the ending, you won’t reach the finish line sooner than you’d like.  Go to your local library and check out some books on Tantra.  (Or you could just shop online.)  There’s a ridiculous amount of material out there on this subject.  There are weekend workshops for couples available as well, so if you’d like to really get into the whole Tantra thing, check one out. To find one near you, just type “tantric sex workshop” into your browser bar.  This would probably make for one helluva weekend getaway!

Okay- that’s it for this one, folks.  If you want to slow yourself down for a night, gentlemen, try out one or two of these options.  If you’ve got a tip that I left out, feel free to share it in the comments.  I think I’m going to do the blowjob blog next.  Might as well stick to the same subject matter. ; )  Night/morning, peeps.

Love and peace and a lovely piece to you all!
Published in: on March 17, 2010 at 2:36 am  Comments (9)  
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Today’s Top 5 Sex Toys

Hi, everyone.  Today I’m in the mood to talk about sex toys. They’re not a necessary component of a wonderful sex life by any means, but they can be a lot of fun.  Think of them as seasoning…your steak is great without it but a little extra flavor every now and then is good, right?  (By the way, that’s the same analogy I use for swinging.)  I’m going to do a new sex toy blog every now and then so I’m breaking it down to five toys per blog.   So, let’s get right to it, shall we?
(The links in this blog are NOT safe for work!)

Hitachi Magic Wand:   I could cover 12 pages just telling you how absofreakinlutely fantastic this particular toy is.  Seriously, it’s that good.

  • What it’s for:  Clitoral stimulation, primarily. But you can also buy the attachment kit, in which case you can use it for vaginal/anal penetration as well. Amazon has the vibe & kit for under $50.
  • How it works:  See the big white bulb at the end of the wand?  That thing vibrates VERY quickly. Obviously it can be used for masturbation, but using it on your clit while having sex can produce mind-blowing orgasms.  (Ladies, remember- it’s rumored that clitoral orgasms can trigger vaginal orgasms.  Buzzing or touching your clit while he’s inside of you can turn your world on edge.)  On the low setting it can also be used to massage his perineum while you go down on him or massage him with your hand.  For the kinkier among us, this toy lends itself well to BDSM play.  If you have the correct harness (sub-shop.com has them at reasonable prices), you can use this vibe for forced orgasm action- it‘s almost impossible to not have an orgasm if it‘s placed on the clit correctly.
  • Best thing about it:  It plugs in.  No batteries to replace, plus it’s far, far more powerful than most battery-operated vibes.
  • Worst thing about it:  It plugs in.  The cord isn’t long so you pretty much have to stay in one place with this toy, however, it’s powerful enough that you won’t be immobilized for long.
  • Bonus:  Amazon.com has tons of accessories for this toy now, including a foam block of sorts called the Love Seat.  It’s like the poor man’s version of a Sybian.  (My Christmas list just got its first item!)
Bullet/Egg:  I’d be willing to bet that this is the most popular sex toy out there.  Despite its size, this little buzzer packs quite a punch.
  • What it’s used for:  This is one of the most versatile toys ever made.  You can use it as a clitoral stimulator, obviously, but its uses go farther than that.  For instance, place it inside your vag before he slides his cock into you and it will vibrate the hell out of your g-spot.  Another great use is to lay him down on the bed and place the egg underneath his balls.  Have him close his legs to make sure it doesn’t slip out of position, then climb on top and ride him while you hold the control. Start out on a low/medium speed, then crank it up as you see him approaching his orgasm.  The vibrations will intensify his O.  This one can also be used as a nipple/anal stimulator.
  • How it works:  Most bullets are attached to a handheld control box by a short cord.  The boxes have a dial for speed control. There are cordless options out there, but I don’t recommend them.
  • Best thing about it:  The buzz is decent for a toy that costs so little.  (Most bullets run between $10-$40.)  
  • Worst thing about it:  If you use a cordless egg and regularly unscrew the bullet to replace the batteries, the threads wear out easily so the two halves don’t quite meet. This can leave you open to a nasty pinch in places you do NOT want pinched.  Also, do not EVER insert a cordless bullet into any part of your body.  You will play hell trying to get it out, especially if it’s in your anus.  Not really a predicament you’d enjoy explaining to an ER nurse, right?  ?   (Time for one of my favorite rules:  Never put anything in your ass that doesn’t have a flared end.  Never.  If you think it might be hard to get out, don’t put it in there in the first place.  It’s common sense, of course, but ask any nurse you know and you’ll hear a story that starts out, “You wouldn‘t believe what was stuck up my patient‘s ass!”)
Butt plugs:   If you’re at all a fan of anal play, you’ll understand why butt plugs (one of the most primitive and taboo of all toys) are so incredibly popular.  Simply put, they feel good.  Remember what I told you about the prostate gland in my last blog?  Same concept applies here:  butt plugs put pressure on an area considered to be the male equivalent of a g-spot, a very pleasurable sensation for a man. For either sex, the feeling of something being inserted into your anus can be very stimulating. There are tons and tons of nerves down there and they like attention just as much as the nerves a few inches away from them. ;+)
  • What it’s used for:  Anal stimulation.  It’s a good starter tool; if a woman wants to experience anal sex with something smaller in preparation for her man’s cock, a plug is a perfect way to do it.  (Fingers, dildoes, & vibes all work for this as well.)
  • How it works: The shape of the plug in the picture is a classic shape, but butt plugs run the gamut from small posts to life-sized fists.  Almost all of them have flared ends, again, like the one in the picture.  The flare prevents the plug from accidentally slipping into the anus.  Some plugs have vibrators built into them as well for additional stimulation.
  • Best thing about it:  I think that plugs are most handy in the arena of acting out sexual fantasies.  For instance, if a man wishes to enjoy anal-sex-like sensations without actually being with another man, a plug fits into that, so to speak.  (By the way, guys, there is absolutely nothing shameful about liking ass play.  It does not reveal or reflect anything about your sexuality, I promise you.  There are a LOT of nerves down there and there’s nothing wrong with enjoying physical pleasure of any sort.  Don’t avoid it for the wrong reasons.)  If a woman wants to experience double penetration, this is an easy way to do it without bringing another person into your bedroom.  They come in all sorts of materials from a gummy plastic to stainless steel.  For an added thrill, steel ones can be heated or cooled- just not too much either way.  Frostbite there doesn’t sound like a pleasant sensation.  Last but not least, lube it generously and frequently.
  • Worst thing about it:  They require especially careful cleaning and storage.  Always use soap and warm water on these toys afterwards, but make sure the cleanser won’t react with the plug’s material first!  Also, don’t overdo it!  The anus/sphincter is easily damaged and doesn’t always regain its original elasticity after being stretched.  Don’t take too much too fast and avoid taking WAY too much on a regular basis.  Once again, common sense.  Note:  it is not unusual to experience mild discomfort the next day.  This doesn’t necessarily mean that you overdid it. Severe discomfort, on the other hand, is not normal.  Pay attention to your body’s signals and you’ll know when enough is enough.

The Love Machine:   Don’t let the “machine” part scare you.  Most sex machines are just fancy sex toys and they’re really easy to use and maintain. This one is exceptionally simple.
  • What it’s used for:  Everything!
  • How it works:  This toy comes with six attachments (for men and women!) and can be used from the different angles show in the pic.  It thrusts about 4 inches at a rate of 60-180 strokes per minute.  (That’s right.  180 per minute.  Wowza.)  The controls are relatively easy to figure out but there are a lot of them.  It has 3 different multi-speed strokers and thrusters and 3 multispeed vibration and pulsation vibrators.  Attachments:  7.5″ nubbed stroker (like a sleeve that goes over his cock) for him, 6″ realistic dildo, slim 5 3/4″ anal toy, egg vibrator, 6″ multispeed vibe, and a multispeed g-spot or prostate stimulator.  You can squat over it, back up to it, lay down on the floor and place it between your legs, etc.  Any position/pleasure is achievable with this one.   Just plug the vibes into the side of the machine, put an attachment on the thruster and rock and roll.  It’s as simple as that.
  • Best thing about it:  There is nothing you can’t do with this toy.  Anal, vaginal, prostate stimulation, clitoral action…there’s no end to the fun to be had with the Love Machine.  (And that’s before you start combining attachments and different vibes!)  If you position yourselves correctly, you and your partner can employ this machine as the other man in a double penetration simulation.
  • Worst thing about it:  Hands down, the price.  These machines are expensive!  But then again, so are good power tools.  If you want good quality, you have to be willing to pay for it.  When it comes to sex machines, cheap products are not necessarily the best deal.  Check reviews, learn about different models/manufacturers, find one you trust!  Bear in mind that you can frequently find machines at deep discounts on the internet.  Also, once a toy has been out for a few years, its price goes down considerably.  The Love Machine used to retail between $500-$600.   I saw it in a half-off sale last year for $300 and now they retail around $350 across the board.  If you want to invest in a good one, hunt around for bargains and/or wait until your pick is no longer the latest model.
  • Bonus: Splashguard.  Just like any other machine that plugs in, you don’t want to get this thing wet.  The Love Machine has a splashguard (the black part) that wipes clean pretty easily and prevents any fluids from getting into its mechanisms.  If you’re one of those ladies who comes copiously (plainly put, if you squirt), don’t worry about it.  Even if you’re squatting over the top of it, you can use this machine without an issue.

(Picking #5 for this blog turned out to be a challenge!  I had to decide between a glass dildo, a particularly good insertable vibrator, or a restraint system.  Tough choice, eh? But then I thought, “Hey, I’ve already covered slightly-less-than-vanilla stuff like stainless steel buttplugs and a fucking machine…why stop with the kinky stuff now?)
Sportsheet Under the Bed Restraint System:   The name says it all.  It’s a restraint system that goes under your bed.
  • What it’s used for:  Tying your partners wrists and ankles for bondage play.  Bondage is not just a BDSM kink, peeps.  It’s one of the most sensual things you can do in bed- render your partner helpless and ravish his or her body!  Use a blindfold for an extra little zing here.
  • How it works:  the middle part (anchor) of the restraint system goes under your mattress with the straps and cuffs hanging out from each corner.  There’s plenty of slack in the straps to manipulate your partner into whatever position y’all prefer, and the cuffs are very comfortable.  Because the system is underneath the middle of the mattress, unwanted slack is never an issue.
  • Best thing about it:  When you’re finished using the cuffs, simply stick them under the edge of your mattress until next time.  This is easily packed for a weekend away and works with virtually any bed.  Unlike lots of cheap restraints, the cuffs on this one are very comfortable.  There aren’t any hard parts or rough edges at all.  Sportsheet products are among the best out there and this particular system is an excellent example of their quality.
  • Worst thing about it:  I can’t think of a single “worst” for this one!  It’s a great product at a great price.

So, there you have it:  five of the best sex toys you can get your hands on.  More are coming, so watch for them.  In the meantime, go to your local sex shop and check out some of the toys.  You never know what you might find!  If you can’t bring yourself to park in front of a bricks-and-mortar store, just surf the web.  I’ve found that toys are generally MUCH less expensive online than in the stores.  For instance, the sex shop chain stores here (you local peeps know it, it’s just about the only one) sells the Magic Wand for $80.  You can get it, attachments and all, for $40 on Amazon.  Shop around between real and online stores and make sure you check out reviews on any product you’re considering buying. Don’t be afraid to ask plenty of questions and always check to make sure your lube/cleansers won’t destroy your toys because of a nasty chemical reaction.

I figured I’d leave y’all with a laugh today, so below you’ll find a few toys that make me giggle.  Enjoy!

If you have a favorite toy that you would like to see featured in the next toy blog, tell me about it.  Either leave it in a comment or message me.  I’m always up for learning about new things so feel free to share!  Alright, that’s it for now, folks.  Until next time, love and peace and a lovely piece to you all!

Published in: on March 9, 2010 at 10:25 am  Comments (7)  
Tags: , , , , , , , , , ,

Going down, guys? Listen up!

Alright, men.  Let’s talk about turning you guys into cunning linguists. (Oldest oral sex joke in the book, I know.  I couldn’t resist.) Have you ever heard Sam Kinison’s famous rant about the complexities of performing oral sex on a woman?  “Why is it so hard to say yes, right there, that’s good, or no, not that?  Tell us what you want!  We’ll DO it!” I’ll be the first to admit that the man has a point.  It can be confusing, especially since every woman is different.  There are hundreds of ways to combine your mouth and hands with her body and that’s before you even consider technique, speed, angles, etc.!  So, here’s a cheat sheet.  If you’re feeling a bit lackluster in the oral department, or even if you just want to change up your style every now and then, check out these tips and give your woman something to whisper to her friends about!  Not that we would ever do just the tiniest little bit of bragging about our guys’ skills when we’re talking to our best friends. Nooo…not us.

A few friends contributed to the suggestions and personal tidbits that you’re about to read.  Thanks to those ladies (and that guy) for your contributions.  You rock for sharing!  Now, let’s get to it!

1.  Men, some of you need to learn something very important.  Take a look:

See that diagram?  Study those parts and their locations.  And yep, that’s an oyster. (Thanks again, Kim!)  Obviously it’s photoshopped –I‘ve seen a lot of vaginas and I’ve eaten a lot of oysters. Or was that the other way around?  Either way, I’d have noticed if one looked that much like the other!– but I thought it was cool as hell, so I labeled it for educational purposes. Memorize those parts.  Focus strongly on the location of the little man in the boat.  (Clitoris.)  That tiny nub is the key to being so good that you’ll have to scrape your woman off the ceiling afterward.

2.  As long as we’re on the subject of locations, I want to mention the biggest mystery of all things sexual:  the g-spot.  Yes, it does exist  and I’m going to tell you how to find it.  Insert two fingers (pointer and middle work best) into her vagina.  Make sure your palm is facing the front of her body.  Her g-spot is a round, coin-sized area. The texture is slightly rougher than the rest of the area around it- not as silky.  Probe gently with your fingers until you find it.  Gently!  Don’t go poking around inside of her.  We get enough of that at the doctor’s office once a year, thank you very much.  Have her show you where it is if she knows.  Believe me, this is one situation in which you’ll be glad you asked for directions.

3.  Another golden tidbit that Sam Kinison gave us was the idea of using your tongue to trace the alphabet on your lady’s clit.  This, actually, was a brilliantly simple idea!  I strongly advocate the alphabet method, but only for one reason:  If you use enough strokes to write the ABC’s on her clit with your tongue, you’re bound to find a few different strokes that really get your woman’s motor humming and you might even find the most important one of them all, her trigger stroke. See, we’re all for you going at it in all directions, but when we’re ready to orgasm, quite a lot of us need one steady maneuver to get there.  For some of us, it’s a full-on, upwards licking of the entire clitoris. For others it could be a left-to-right motion across the hood.  Many of us cannot stand to have our actual clits licked because there are a lot of nerves in that one little place and a tongue can trigger far too many at once.  You know how it feels when your woman continues to suck you after you’ve come? When it stops being pleasant and starts to be just too much?  Lots of us feel like that about our clits all of the time, not just post-orgasm, so watch her for signs of over-stimulation like twitching away from your mouth, tensing up in an odd way, cringing, etc.  If her clit is too sensitive, simply concentrate on the hood. Once you figure out what she likes best, you can learn exactly how to give her delicious, satisfying orgasms. I have two sure-fire ways to help you learn her favorite move:  The first is relatively sneaky and only works if your woman is okay with playing with herself in front of you.  Go down on her until you think she’s close to orgasming, then stop and ask her to touch herself. (If she gets annoyed because you stopped when she was close, just be a little bossy and repeat your request. Most of us rather enjoy that!)  Watch her hands closely.  If she‘s strumming her clit or rubbing her hood in a repetitive motion, you‘re probably witnessing her grand finale move.  At this point you can move her hands and take over with your tongue, mimicking her movements, and you will likely push her over the edge.  Don’t worry if it takes a few attempts to figure out her trigger.  Also, some ladies don’t come from the same move every time.  Simply pay attention to her reactions, change things up accordingly, and give it your best shot.  Whether she orgasms or not, she’ll appreciate the effort!

4.  My friend Lucy mentioned that her guy, we’ll call him Lucky, likes to bite at her clit and nibble on it a little bit.  Sometimes he scrapes his teeth across it with light-to-medium pressure.  Lucy loves this, but only if she’s approaching orgasm.  Luckily for her, Lucky seems to sense this and only whips out this star maneuver when the moment is right, just in time to make her come like crazy.  Lucky Lucy, eh?  Getting a little bit rough down there is okay, especially once we‘re really warmed up.  Be sure you don’t carry it too far, though, especially with the clit.

5.   Just because it’s oral sex doesn’t mean you can’t involve other body parts.  Play with her nipples while you’re going down.  Use your fingers in her vagina while you lick or suck on her clit.  Combining sensations is almost always a good thing. Think about it:  if you’re using your tongue on your lady’s clit while you stimulate her g-spot with the fingers on one hand and use your other hand to toy with a nipple, she‘s going to go out of her mind with pleasure.  Sure, that‘s a lot to focus on at once, but I‘ve got faith that you guys can handle it. Besides, think how grateful she‘d be for your effort!  Ever heard of reciprocity? *wink*

6.  A few good moves:

  • If you do use your fingers, employ a corkscrewing motion with two or three fingers while you concentrate your mouth on her clitoris.  Sucking on her clit is an excellent option here, especially if you make darting little licks at her clit while you keep suction on it.
  • Use the pad of your index finger on her clit or hood while you lick up and down her inner lips, then use your tongue to penetrate her.
  • Gently tug at her inner lips with your lips or teeth.
  • Take one long, slow, intense lick from the perineum (beneath her vaginal opening) all the way up past her clit.  Repeat this several times, slightly increasing both the speed and the pressure of your tongue strokes.
  • The Butterfly Technique is great.  Use the very tip of your tongue and make a fluttering motion against the tip of her clit- aim for a delicate motion.
  • Some women like it when you hold the clit with your mouth and shake your head gently. That delivers an incredible set of sensations and might very well make her orgasm almost immediately.
  • Tease, tease, tease.  Build us up then draw it out.  The longer we have to wait for the O, the more we’re going to appreciate it!
  • Jessica’s guy, Jake, has an all-star move that we’ve named The Zipper:  He holds her outer lips together with his fingertips on either side of them and moves his tongue up and down her slit slowly, not unlike a bidirectional zipper would move, eventually parting her lips with it.
  • Try alternately sucking on her clit and blowing on it.  Again, mixing sensations is a beautiful thing.
  • You know how we like vibrators so much?  It’s because vibrations feel damned good.  You can emulate the action of a vibe by humming while holding your lips/tongue against the clit.

There are tons of special moves/techniques that you can try but for the most part, just do what feels right to you.   If you follow her cues, you won’t go wrong.  Don’t forget to treat her body as though it’s a shrine and you’re worshiping at the altar.  Make it special, tell her how much you love tasting her, express your delight in her body.  After all, she’s letting you do something incredibly personal and that’s a huge gift.  Don’t think of it as “eating pussy”…think of it as pleasuring your lady in one of the most special ways possible.  Believe me, it’ll make a difference in how you go down on her.

Now that we’ve covered some of the good stuff you can try are you ready to move on to the flip-side?  As wonderful as you guys are, you’re not perfect.  (Of course, neither are we- just wait ’til you read the complaints men have about their womens’ techniques in my upcoming BJ blog!)  I asked some friends for their chief complaints about your oral skills and learned that, well, some of you display bad table manners while dining at the Y (think about it). You know how picky women can be about table manners, so I’m giving you a short list of things to avoid if you want to keep your lady happy.

1.  You  know how you’ll be down there, working the hell out of your tongue- doing one of those trigger moves that we like so much- and enjoying us writhing against your lips and moaning with pleasure?  And you know how we’ll start tensing up just a little bit, getting just a little bit (or even a lot) wetter and moaning at an ever-increasing tempo and volume?  And then you know how you’ll decide that now’s the time to pull a great move out of your hat and you’ll move your tongue away to do something else?  STOP THAT!  Remember the homespun advice, “if it ain’t broke, don’t fix it”?  This can easily be applied to oral pleasure!  If you can tell we’re getting really, really close to orgasming, don’t stop and do something else.  We need that repetitive motion!  If it’s working, keep working it!  Yeah, yeah, we know your tongues get tired.  Same thing happens to our jaws when we’re going down on you, so bear with us and consider it a loving sacrifice.

2.  Bunny tells us that Benny is the world’s worst about licking her raw in certain places, especially the inside of her vagina, right beneath her clit.  That area can get raw easily, so please don’t overdo it with the tonguing.   It’s one thing to brush against it as you use your tongue to penetrate us like you would use a cock, but it’s a whole other thing to lick or rub directly on that spot for a long time.  There aren’t a ton of nerves in that particular spot, anyway, so feel free to move on to something else pretty quickly.  Bear in mind that women are built differently so if your lady loves this touch, keep it up.  My advice doesn’t apply to all people all of the time.

3.   Zerberts, motorboating, raspberries…none of these things should be done between our legs.  Got that?   As unbelievable as this may seem, some men do this and more.  We’re okay with you thinking of it as your own personal playground but we draw the line at you acting like a little kid down there.

4.  Please don’t give us a ton of nonsense about our hair down there.  (Unless your woman is sporting a jungle that you could get lost in…in that case, you can complain.)  Waxing hurts, shaving’s a pain, razor burn sucks, and the growing-in phase is pure torture.  If your lady doesn’t want to shave, leave her alone about it.  If you’re really smart, you’ll offer to shave it for her.  We love that sort of pampering.

That’s it for the list of don’ts.  Basically, use common sense and base your actions on our reactions.  That’s the best way to make sure we’re going to love what you’re doing to us.  If you have a special move that you’d like to share (and you’re not too shy to post it), feel free to leave it in the comments.

I’m asking you ladies who are reading this to add your own “Please stop doing that!” or “Please do more of that!” ideas in the comments.  Remember that you don’t have to sign into an account to comment here and your info can be totally anonymous so if you know your man is reading this, feel free to leave a not-so-pointed hint for improvement in a comment.  Maybe he’ll pick up on it.

I hope you learned something new here.  Use some of these tips tonight and I bet your woman will wake up with a smile on her face tomorrow!

Love and peace and a lovely piece to you all!

Sexual confidence, pt. 3

Welcome to the last of the series on womens’ sexual confidence.  Today’s blog focuses on kicking fear to the curb and fully enjoying yourself in the bedroom.  Before we get started, do me a favor and take that quick little poll up there, would ya?  Thanks!

Do you consider yourself a sexually inhibited person?  If the answer is yes, don’t feel bad- most of us are inhibited in one way or another.  Despite the ridiculous amount of sexual innuendo we see in the media (12 free cleavage shots with a men’s shaving cream commercial, anyone?) our societal concepts about sex are pretty damned repressed.  We’re taught from day one to be nice girls and most of our mothers had a laundry list of things that Nice Girls don’t do.  Nice girls don’t touch themselves, nice girls don’t show off their bodies, nice girls don’t use dirty language, nice girls don’t daydream about being screwed silly by a group of  bikers…the list goes on and on.  We’re given a specific set of behavioral standards regarding our sexuality and we’re expected to adhere to these rules strictly or we’ll be stripped of our Nice Girl status and relegated to the Slut pile.  Quelle horreur! Now don’t get me wrong- I’m not criticizing our mothers for trying to teach us to be good girls.  I’m just saying that the lessons we’re taught as children stick with us whether we realize it or not, so one day when we get ready to do something new and exciting like masturbating in front of our guy, there’s a good chance that we’ll hear this tiny little voice in our heads yelling, “No!  Don’t touch yourself there!  Don’t let him see your privates!  It’s dirty!  You’re dirty! No, no, NO!”   Nothing like your mom’s voice in your head to put a damper on good sex, huh?   So let’s figure out how to kick mummy dearest and all of her cohorts to the curb!

First off, I’m dispensing with mom’s first rule:  you can touch yourself!  Go ahead, do it right now!  (Now go wash your hands before you grab that mouse again, please.)  You know what else you can do?  You can let him watch you do that.   Trust me, honey, he will absolutely love it.  If a fear of looking silly or of being too exposed is keeping you from masturbating in front of your partner, don’t let that stop you!  Simply close your eyes or slip on a blindfold and pretend you’re alone.  What comes naturally to you will make for spectacular viewing for him.  Men are very visual creatures.  There’s a lengthy biological explanation for why they derive so much sexual satisfaction through sight, but I’m being lazy and don’t feel like typing it all right now. Long story short, men are wired to look so if you feel like indulging your guy, let him watch you take care of yourself one night.  Major bonus:  he can pick up pointers on how to please you without you having to say a word.  This is especially helpful for those poor, poor men who couldn’t find a clitoris with a map and a compass.

Speaking of things men like to watch, let’s talk about porn.  Lots of women have a hard time watching erotic movies with their partners.  For some, it’s simply a matter of taste.  Let’s face it, porn can be pretty stupid.  Men are infinitely better at ignoring poor plot and dialogue (“Oh, yes, give me more of your special sauce, Mr. Fast Food Restaurant Manager!”) and can more easily focus on the sexual nature of a movie.  Women tend to have more discriminating tastes in this regard, so some of us just don’t like porn.   Nothing wrong with that!  But then there are the women who refuse to watch XXX with their men because it seems dirty or inappropriate in some way.  In my opinion, there’s nothing inappropriate about enjoying a movie whether the actors are dressed or nude.  Is it wrong for you to cry at the end of The Notebook?  Is it wrong for you to laugh when Chris Farley splits David Spade’s jacket in Tommy Boy?  Of course not!  Movies are supposed to evoke emotions.  So why would it be wrong to find your panties a little bit damp after watching a good erotic film?   It’s just entertainment, ladies, nothing to be afraid of.   Besides, you never know when you’ll see a scene you’d like to re-enact!   (That would be life imitating art imitating life, right?) So grab a bag of microwave popcorn and help your guy pick out a good film.  For your own sanity, I highly recommend avoiding cheesier titles likeChitty, Chitty, Gang Bang or Moulin Splooge.  Yes, those are real movies.  No, I haven’t actually watched them.

If you can shake the idea of Moulin Splooge, let’s move on to sharing your fantasies with your partner.  We all have a few fantasies, right?   If you think you don’t, bear in mind that a fantasy can be as simple as a fleeting desire to make love with your man on a moonlit beach or as well thought-out as a complicated tale involving a Sybian (look it up), an elaborate pulley system, and the entire cast and crew of a Broadway show.  No matter how sweet, spicy, or even slightly scary your fantasy may be, I bet your guy would like to hear about it!   Not only is sharing our hidden desires a great bonding experience, it also gives us a chance to judge our partners’ reactions to things we might want to try in the future.  Not all fantasies translate well into real-life experiences, of course, but if you have one you’re considering acting upon, whisper it in your partner’s ear the next time the two of you are fooling around and see how he reacts.   This is another situation in which a blindfold lends itself well to the game, by the way. Slip one on him before you start thinking out loud.  If you’re not nervously watching his eyes for signs of displeasure, you might have an easier time opening up and letting your words flow.

You know what would be really great?  Combine a couple of these sex games.  Put an XXX movie on, then blindfold him and tell him what you’re seeing in graphic detail while you use those hand job tips you got in the last blog.   Touch yourself while you tell him all about one of your favorite fantasies.  Watch a movie while you please yourself, if you’d like, but don’t be surprised if he gets a neck injury from swiveling back and forth to keep up with all the action. Whatever you do, be brave!  Don’t let inhibition keep you from enjoying your own body and mind as much as you enjoy his.  You’re beautiful and talented and sexy as hell- just ask your man. 😉

Alright, that’s it for this series, ladies.  There’s a whole lot of stuff that I didn’t cover in this short series, but I’ll get to it all eventually so just keep reading. In the meantime remember that there’s nothing wrong with having fun and being true to yourself in bed.  Be confident in your desires and abilities.  Don’t let body image issues or old-fashioned ideas about what good girls should or shouldn’t do hold you back.  Enjoy sex!  Mix it up, keep it fun, do the things you truly want to do- anything else is a waste of perfectly good sheets!

See ya next time, folks.  Love and peace and a lovely piece to you all!

Published in: on March 1, 2010 at 12:28 am  Comments (16)  
Tags: , , , , , ,

Stop biting my penis!

~~~If you’re under 18,  please skip this blog.  Come back and play when you’re old enough!~~~

Before I start writing, you need to know something.  Despite using it in my title, I hate the word penis.  It’s such a boring word and, in my opinion, it sounds slightly wimpy- the exact opposite of the object it’s describing.  As far as I’m concerned, a man doesn’t have a penis, he has a cock.  And he doesn’t have testicles, either- those are balls.  I tend to speak in a pretty frank manner about these things.  I hope the use of words like cock, blowjob, balls, etc. doesn’t offend you because this blog is loaded with them.  Okay- done with the disclaimer.  Let’s get to the good stuff.  🙂

This is Part 2 in a series about womens’ confidence in the bedroom.  This one is all about swordsmanship skills, so to speak.  A woman armed with knowledge about how to please her man is a gifted woman indeed!  Knowing what your guy likes is bound to boost your confidence and, like I said in the first blog, confidence is the sexiest thing a woman can possess.  (Well, that and a Hitachi Magic Wand, but that’s another blog.)

I talked to several men in preparation for today’s blog.  I also e-mailed a questionnaire to a few of my favorite guys in order to get the goods straight from the horses’ mouths for this one!  I even learned a couple of things that I didn’t know and now I’m super excited to share it with you.   Listen up, ladies.  These guys know exactly what they want!

A:  Glans

B:  Coronal Ridge

C:  Frenulum

D:  Foreskin

E:  Shaft

Yes, that’s a mushroom.  I didn’t want to use anything that could be considered pornographic, (terms of service says that’s a no-no!) but I want to make sure everyone knows what I’m talking about when I name parts, so I found a rather odd replacement.   Thanks to Kim for the idea!



Manual labor: It’s hard to give advice on a hand job.  Each man is different and they all have their own set of preferences.  Your best bet is to either ask him what he likes or have him take your  hand in his own and show you. Bear in mind that your guy has been manually operating that tool since puberty.  He’s an expert by now and I’m sure he wouldn’t mind sharing his tips.  If you’re not up for asking or doing a show-and-tell session, just touch him and watch his reactions.  One no-fail technique:  as you stroke upwards on his shaft, make sure that at least part of your hand crosses his ridge and rubs the glans.  Do NOT use much pressure around the ridge- that’s a sensitive area- but do get some friction going on there.  If you only stroke up and down his shaft and ignore the ridge and head, he’s not going to enjoy it nearly as much.  Also, don’t forget his balls.  Don’t go crazy with the pressure until you know he likes it on the rough side (if you’re not sure, ASK!)  but don’t treat them like they’re made of porcelain, either- you’re not going to break them.


Oral sex: I should probably have dedicated an entire blog to this topic instead of trying to do a short section on it.  In fact, I think I will.  Look for an in-depth BJ blog in the future!  For now, though, I’ll keep it to the key points.  First and foremost, the inspiration for the title of the blog:  STOP BITING HIS PENIS!  Evidently a lot of us use our teeth while giving head, whether we realize it or not.  That was a pretty big complaint from most of the guys I talked to about foreplay.   Keep your lips over your teeth or open your mouth wider, whichever works best for you, but do your part to help these poor guys stop worrying about losing pieces of their pride and joy.

The basics:  Use your tongue wisely.  Lick him in every direction possible- the varied sensations will drive him nuts.  One of the tips I got from the guys was this: “Use a long, slow lick up the underside of his cock, ending in a swirl around his head and pushing the tip of your tongue into his slit.”  Are you familiar with those cheesy scenes in B movies where women are licking their ice cream cones suggestively?  As silly as they look, their moves can be priceless.  Lick him up and down, sideways, in circles- really give your tongue a workout.  He’ll love it. Also, close your mouth around his shaft and actually suck on him.  Not too hard, you don’t want to hurt him, but sucking combined with a tongue massage up and down his shaft will drive him over the edge in no time, especially if you’re laving the frenulum with your tongue as you pass it.   Once again, don’t leave his balls out of the action.  Some men love to have their balls treated to some oral fun, some hate it.  You’ll never know if you don’t try.  Also, a couple of well-timed, gentle tugs to his scrotum (GENTLY, ladies..don’t yank it) can increase the intensity of his orgasm.  If you use one hand to play with his balls, one hand on his shaft- moving in time with your mouth- and your mouth around his cock, he will love it, no doubt.

Another common topic among my guy friends?  Deep-throating.  Gag reflexes vary from woman to woman, so some gals can deep-throat and some can’t.  If you’re in the “can’t” category, don’t worry about it, just use your hand on the base of his shaft for the most complete stimulation possible.   If you can take him deeper, by all means, do!  From what I’ve seen, men are unanimous on this issue:  they love it.  The key to being able to do it without choking/gagging is simple:  breathe through your nose and time your inhalations with your up-strokes.  It’s not complicated and it makes it much, much easier to achieve this particular feat.

FYI:  Using different creams/oils can be a lot of fun during oral.  Motion lotion is a great one- it heats up as you increase friction on oiled areas and chills easily when you blow on it.  Mixing sensations like that is a beautiful thing during oral sex.  Also, try different foods like whipped cream or chocolate sauce  as an apéritif on his cock.  Have you ever heard that lots of people like to use mints in their mouth while giving head?  There’s a reason for that:  it feels damned good.  However, you need to know that not ALL minty things are good for oral.  Example: once upon a time,  a friend (ahem) decided to put a tiny dab of toothpaste on her tongue right before going down on her guy.  Hey, it seemed like a good idea at the time and, at first, he loved it.  But then the burning sensation started and the screams soon followed.  It took 3 good scrubbings, countless cold wash cloths, and a lot of apologizing on her part before he felt better.  Be smart about what you put on your man’s sensitive parts, girls.

I have to say one more thing about oral sex.  Some women don’t like it.  Hell, some guys don’t like dining at the Y; that’s just how it is.  BUT if you don’t like it because you think cocks are “icky” or “gross”, then try this:  get some edible, scented massage oil, rub it into his cock, and then go down.  There’s nothing disgusting or displeasing about his cock.  If it makes you feel better, do it right after he’s had a shower.  Hell, honey, do it IN the shower if you have to, but at least give it a shot.  On the flip side of that, do not attempt to blow him if you hate it.  Any woman who’s giving head should treat her man like he’s a king and his cock is a precious gift.  I mean, don’t you expect him to treat your body the same way?   Don’t do it if you hate it- he’ll sense your true feelings and that’s far worse than not doing it at all.

As for that happy ending:  Spit, swallow, do whatever you like with it.  They really don’t care.  If you’re going to spit, be discreet- don’t pull a face and spit it back ON him.  That little tip came straight from one of my guy friends!  (Bless his heart!)


Anal play: A lot (and I mean a LOT) of men like to have their anuses stimulated.  Right inside their rectum, towards the scrotum, is a small, walnut-sized gland.  This is the prostate gland and it’s considered to be the male equivalent of a g-spot.  Stimulating it while giving him oral/a handjob can blow his mind.  Make sure he’s open to you  touching him there first.   If he’s cool with it, you can slowly slide one well-lubricated finger inside of him and gently stroke/rub his prostate.  For some men, just the feeling of a finger sliding in and out of him will be enough to drive him crazy.  You can also use your tongue on him down there either circling the rim or actually prodding his anus.  Bear in mind that we’re talking about a pretty risky thing here, bacteria-wise, so only ever use your tongues on each others’ asses immediately post-bath.   (Can you tell I’m a bit of a germaphobe?)


There are lots of toys designed for men out there so grab a few and try them out.  Use cock rings to hold his orgasm at bay while you go down on him.  Drawing out his pleasure will make his orgasm stronger!  Another great teaser toy are sleeves.  They’re designed to fit a man like a vagina would and most of them feel great.  They come in various styles that run the gamut from a plain tube to an entire pubic area with realistic hair and two holes to choose from.  There’s a great range of material choices and most of them are decent but be careful with the jelly-like materials.  Use lots of lube with those and keep them away from your guy’s pubic hair- jelly pulls hairs!  Go to a site like adameve.com or dearlady.com and check out the choices.  Toys aren’t just for women!  😉

Okay, ladies, that’s it for this blog.  There’s more I could say, but I think I’ve rambled on enough already.  Feel free to share your tips, questions, or advice in the comments.  I love a good story, so go ahead and share your funny BJ experiences if you’d like.  C’mon, I told you about the toothpaste!  Go have some fun with your guys. 🙂  The final installment in this series is going to be about opening up and trying new things that make some people nervous, like mutual masturbation.  Message me if you’ve got any special ideas or tips you’d like to share!

Love and peace and a lovely piece to you all!

Published in: on February 27, 2010 at 12:09 am  Comments (18)  
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The sexiest thing a woman can possess…

What’s the sexiest thing about the woman in this photo?

It’s not her heels, her gown (or whatever that is), or even her legs.  It’s her attitude.  She looks like she’s going to get exactly what she wants.  As for the guy in the shot, well, he doesn’t look like he’s arguing, does he?  Of course not- he’s got the sexiest thing in the world right in front of him:  a woman with confidence!

Self-confidence in the bedroom is vital to a good sex life.   Worrying about your skills, looks, or anything else simply takes away from the fun you could be having!  There are a few different things you can do to boost your self-confidence (and your pleasure quotient!) in the bedroom.  I have lots to say about this particular topic so to make it easier to write/read, I”m going to break it up into 3 different blogs.  Today we’re going to focus on the #1 thing that inhibits women in bed:  how you feel about your body.   So many things change when we’re trying to hide parts of ourselves:  we keep the lights off, we don’t get into certain positions, we spend time thinking about what he’s seeing instead of concentrating on what we’re feeling.   Entirely too much pleasure is wasted on worry, don’t you agree?  So how do you fix it?  How do you fully enjoy yourself?  One simple rule:

I started this blog early this morning but I was having a LOT of trouble with it.  I kept finding myself writing lies.  For instance:  “Your thighs don’t matter in the bedroom.”   Now, technically, they don’t.  Do you think your man is focused on whether or not your thighs jiggle?  Hell, no!  He’s far more interested in making them quiver!  Try to remember that if a man is in bed with you, he accepts you just as you are.  (Side note: If you happen to have some assclown in your bed who criticizes your body, kick him out.  He doesn’t deserve to be there.) So, if he can accept and love your body as it is, you should be able to do so as well, right?  Suuuure, in a perfect world.  But this isn’t a perfect world.  We’re bombarded daily with images of perfection and we compare ourselves to these images constantly, almost always coming up short.  We don’t like our bodies.  I performed a (not-so) scientific poll of several (three) women this morning.  I asked them to list 3 things that women dislike about their bodies.  It didn’t take them any time at all to list a few things.  It’s ingrained, ladies.  We despise our thighs, hate our tummies, and want to take a lift kit and some anti-cellulite potion to our asses.  Some women love their bodies just as they are but for the most part, we’re seething masses of self-loathing and, ladies, that ain‘t sexy!  (I’m from the South.  I can use words like ain’t. 😉 )

So we’ve reached a conundrum here, haven’t we?  In order to have fabulous, no-holds-barred sex, we’ve got to feel good about ourselves.  In order to feel good about ourselves, we have to overlook our imperfections and celebrate our sexiest parts.  One of the easiest ways to do this is that wonderful old standby, LINGERIE!   A lot of women are intimidated by lingerie, but it doesn’t have to be scary.  I can see where the idea of dressing in a bustier, garter belt, and thigh highs can be discomfiting, but that’s not the sort of lingerie I’m talking about.  If you’re aiming to look beautiful and feel comfortable, skip the garters and aim for something like this:

(Photo from Hipsandcurves.com)

In my opinion, this is the perfect lingerie.  It’s sexy as hell and romantic.  What more could a gal want?  Tell me something- what do you see first when you look at that woman?  Not her not-so-slim thighs or her not-so-flat tummy, that’s for sure.   Lingerie conceals imperfections, highlights assets, and boosts your self-esteem overall because, well, who doesn’t feel good when they’re decked out in something sexy?  It can be a camisole and panties, a babydoll, or even a cute pair of boy shorts and a tank bra.  The style doesn’t matter- it’s the cut, the fit, and the way it makes you feel that counts.

Remember that question I asked my friends this morning about what women dislike about their bodies?   Here are a few of their responses and some cute ways to conceal the problem areas they listed.  Now bear in mind that I’m showing you clothes for bed here, not things to wear under your clothes for a date.  You can actually have sex in these outfits so if you’re one of those hide-under-the-sheets kinda gals, stock up and toss those sheets on the floor.

1)  Unperky boobs A big factor for lots of women, right?  Quick fix:  Shelf bra.  It picks the girls right up and holds them there while leaving the most important parts free to be touched.  Gotta love that kind of versatility in a bra!  If this feels a little too risque’ for you, make it a cute push-up with a front snap for easy access.

2)  Stomach/love handles The bane of many womens’ existence!  A t-shirt in bed will cover it, but that also covers too much of the rest of you!  Quick fix: Babydoll nightie.  It hides a multitude of problem areas and, as long as you leave the panties off, can be worn during sex without interference.  Just “accidentally” let the straps fall off your shoulders and the tops will usually fall to your waist.  Badaboom, badabing, the girls are free, the tummy’s concealed and he can see as much or as little as you like.  Brilliant!

3) Cellulite, stretchmarks, veins There’s not really a way to hide these, nor should you be terribly concerned about any of them.  Soften the lighting (think candles, not pitch black!) and forget about them.  If that’s not possible and they’re seriously interfering with your sexual enjoyment, consider a body-stocking.  Lots of women shy away from these but if worn right, they can be seriously sexy!  Obviously you’re not going to wear these all the time because they can be a pain in the ass to keep intact, but if you’re looking for one night without worrying about your blemishes, this is the way to go.  Bonus:  the ones at Hipsandcurves.com are crotchless:  you don’t even have to take them off for sex.  However, I would HIGHLY recommend removing them for certain positions.  To put it delicately, the opening in the crotch doesn’t line up quite right with your opening if you’re bent over.  Penis + edge of body stocking opening + friction = chafing.  For most positions, though, they work just fine.

4) Butt Very few of us really like our butts.  Even fewer of us are okay with being bare-assed in front of our men, especially when it comes to doggy-style sex.  We like it from behind just fine- as long as the lights are off or he’s wearing a blindfold. Ladies, there isn’t a clothing to fix this problem.  You can wear crotchless panties, I suppose.  Or you could always don a long gown and try to make sure it stays draped just right to cover most of your ass.  Here’s the thing, though- if you’re worrying about how the gown’s draped, you’re taking your attention away from your pleasure.  Screw that!  Just accept the ass.  Do it in candlelight if you like, smear some self-tanner on your butt if you wish (because all fat looks better brown.  Don’t believe me?  Raw porkchop vs. fried porkchop.  Point taken?).  You can do any  manner of things to make sure your ass is cute, but believe me, if you’re in a position where he can see it, he’s NOT thinking anything negative. 😉

The only other thing mentioned by my girls was the O face.  I can’t help you with that.  If you’re concentrating on what your face looks like when you come, you’re probably not going to come at all.  So forget about the face and just enjoy yourself.  If it makes that big of a difference to you, bury your face in his shoulder or something when you get close to orgasm.  And remember, women might look silly when we come, but we’ve got NOTHING on some of the faces our guys make!

There are lots and lots of lingerie options out there.  From sporty to slinky, romantic to racy, you can find anything you’re looking for.  Slim women can find curves and zaftig women can find shaping in the right lingerie. Don’t let the idea of expensive lace fool you- there’s a LOT out there.  All of the pics I used in this blog were taken from the HipsandCurves.com website.  They have lingerie up to size 5/6X.  Odgirl.com has stuff in XXSmall.  There’s something out there for everyone.  Go find it and make yourself feel fabulous!   Okay, ladies.  That’s it for the lingerie portion off the confidence blog trio.  The next topic:  Bedroom skills- what works, what doesn’t, and what he wants you to do more often!  See ya then!

Love and peace and a lovely piece to you all!

Published in: on February 25, 2010 at 1:29 pm  Comments (19)  
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Nothing risqué, nothing gained. ~Alexander Woollcott

Before you read any further, you need to answer a few questions:

1)  Are you under the age of 18?

2)  Does talking about sex embarrass you?

3)  Are you going to bitch at me because reading words like “vibrator” or “cock ring” cause you to break out in hives?

If the answer to any of these questions is yes, you need to close this page and move on to another blog. Only open-minded people who are over 18 should continue reading.

For those of you who already know me, thanks for coming to read the newest version of the Kat blogs. I needed that break but I’ve missed the blogs (and y’all’s comments!) like crazy and now I’m ready to get back to it. If you’re new to my blogs, well, allow me to introduce myself…

I’m Kat.  I’m a stay-at-home mom with an amazing husband and about a bazillion kids.   I’ve got all the accessories of your typical suburban housewife:  the specially bred dog, the fenced-in backyard, and the big vehicle capable of carrying an entire soccer team.  Honestly, I’m boring as hell- until you look in my closet.  Open that sucker up and you’ll find that I’m not “typical” at all.  I’ve got enough sex toys and lingerie to keep a good porn film producer in business for at least a couple of decades.  Surprising?  Nope, not really.  See, I think most people are just like me.  On the surface they seem prim and proper, but if you open their closets – or the closets in their minds that they keep under lock and key- you’ll find that almost everyone has fantasies and kinks.  They vary from person to person, of course.  One girl’s sexiest daydream might involve whipped cream and a frozen banana while her best friend’s might involve chains and a midget.  The fantasies may be vastly different, but we all have them.

I’m not interested in those fantasies, per se.  I know they exist.  I have them, you have them, your loan officer at the bank has them.   They’re not a big deal.  What I’m focused on is the fact that most people don’t USE them.  They might daydream about the things they’d like to do, but when they get in bed with their partners, it’s all vanilla. Lots of people fear their sexuality and they keep it locked in a cage, starved for attention and clamoring for escape.  That’s where I come in.  Meet Kat, the unprofessional beast releaser!  (Goofy enough for you?)  Here, let me explain that in a way that’s easier to understand and far less cheesy:

One of these years I want to be a sexologist.  (Yes, it’s a real job.)  I want to revolutionize the way (at least a few) people think about and act upon their sexual desires.   Our culture has changed immensely in the last few decades but there are still far, far too many of us who are afraid to tell our partners – and sometimes even ourselves!- what we want in bed.  We go through life wondering, “What if?” instead of acting on our desires and letting our sexuality run free so that we can enjoy sex the way it was meant to be enjoyed:  FULLY!

Does that make sense?  Good.

Here’s what you’ll read here:  mostly discussion blogs, a few how-to’s, and every now and then perhaps a little bit of erotica.  A good blog is determined by reader interaction, not post content, so feel free to talk in the comments.  Please feel free to ask questions, tell me what you think of what you’ve read, argue with me, suggest new topics, and even tell me if I’m getting boring.   It happens. 🙂

Here’s what you will NOT read here:  closed-minded people chastising you because you were honest in your comment.  Tolerance is key in my blogs!

So, now you know who I am and why I write the things I write.  Welcome to the blogs, welcome to the revolution.  Let’s have some fun!

Love and peace and a lovely piece to you all!

(Newbies:  The reason I chose to do this blog on WordPress is because you do NOT have to have an account to leave a comment.  I love that about their format!  No pressure to create yet another account and remember yet another password. Just fill in your name and e-mail addy and talk away! )

Published in: on February 24, 2010 at 12:02 pm  Comments (19)  
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